Da Little
Tings

Ouch!
That Hurts!

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Lovers & Informants

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Glorious Food

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Horses

What's In
A Name

Fetch!
(A Bit of Banter)

By Barb McDonald

“Hutch?”

“Mmmm?”

“I’ve been thinkin’.”

“Wait a minute… let me alert the media.”

<droll look>

“Sorry… what have you been thinking about, Starsk?”

“I was thinking about getting a dog.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I’m tired of coming home to an empty apartment. I need some companionship.”

“Oh really. What’s the matter, I’m not devoted or warm and fuzzy enough for you?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Having a dog is a big responsibility, Starsk.”

“I’m responsible.”

“Oh yeah… for an eight year old.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I can take care of dog!”

“Starsky, you’re never home.”

“Well, maybe if I had a dog I’d spend more time at home. Maybe I wouldn’t work as hard.”

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe it would make me keep regular hours.”

“Ahuh… sure.”

“All I’m saying is... I’d like to slow down a little and smell the roses.”

“I thought roses made you sneeze?”

“Hutch. You gotta admit. A more normal routine would be nice.”

“It’ll never happen.”

“Why?”

“Because Starsky. We’re cops. And cops don't keep regular hours. That’s our life. Dogs need walking and feeding and well… a lot of attention.”

“I could do all that?”

“When?”

“When I’m home.”

“And when you’re not? What are you going to do teach it how to use the toilet? Just put it out of your mind, Starsk. You’re lifestyle just doesn’t have any room for a dog.”

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. Aren’t I always?”

“But…”

“But what?”

“I think I’m in love.”

“Huh?”

“I went into this pet store yesterday and I fell in love with this puppy. She is the cutest little thing you've ever seen.”

“That’s how puppies get you.”

“Thats for sure.”

“What breed was it?”

“Beagle.”

“Yep. They’re the worst. Those sad, soulful, brown eyes will do it every time. That’s how puppies survive. They depend on suckers like you.”

“I even had a name picked out for her and everything.”

“I’m afraid to ask… okay what’s the name?”

“Bagel.”

“Bagel the beagle?”

“Yeah.”

“Get over it, Starsky. It’ll never work. Why don’t you get a fish?”

“A FISH!”

“Yeah. Then you’d have something to come home to.”

“Hutch. You can’t scratch a fish behind the ears. You can’t walk a fish.”

“How about a cat? You can leave cats for longer periods then dogs.”

“A CAT? I hate cats!”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I’m allergic to cats, anyway.”

“What about a Hamster?”

“Nah.”

“Rabbit?”

“Nope.”

“Hedgehog?”

“Hedgehog? People have hedgehogs for pets?”

“Sure. You can keep just about any rodent as a pet.”

“I don’t think I could curl up with a hairy rat.”

“Then I guess you’re just going to have settle for little ol' me for companionship.”

“Terrific.”

“I had a dog growing up. God, I loved that dog. A beautiful Irish Setter. Her name was Shannon… just about killed me when I had to put her down.”

“You never told me about her before. How come?”

“It was a long time ago. Besides, I really don’t like thinking about it.”

“I had a dog, too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. A Golden Retriever named Wally. We had to give him away though. My dad sent him away to a farm when I was eight.”

“Oh boy.”

“What?”

“Starsky. Everybody knows that when they tell a little kid that they are sending his dog to a farm that they are really not sending him to a farm at all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh nothing. I’m sure Wally lived out the rest of his years frolicking the fields of this alleged farm.”

“Alleged?”

“Starsky. Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Spell what out? You know, sometimes you just don’t make any sense.”

“I make sense. I make lots of sense.”

“Well. Anyway. I’m still thinkin’ about that puppy. Maybe we should go to the pet store and see if she is still there.”

“Oh no! You’re not dragging me into this. I’m just as big a sucker as you are… no way!”

“Okay, okay.”

“Starsky. When you retire you can have as many dogs as you want. It won’t be that long till we retire.”

“Yeah. Only nineteen years, three months and fourteen days.”

“Not that you’re counting.”

“HEY!”

“What?”

“How about some lunch. I’m hungry.”

“What else is new.”

“Aren’t you hungry, Hutch? It’s almost two o’clock.”

“Sure, I could use a bite.”

“So, what do you want to eat?”

“How about a hot dog.”

 

 

THE END

 

Da Little
Tings

Ouch!
That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Food!
Glorious Food

Clothes
Horses

What's In
A Name

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