Da Little

That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Glorious Food


What's In
A Name

(A Bit of Banter)

By Barb McDonald

“Push the button, will ya Starsk.”

“I did.”

“Well nothings happening.”

“Well… I pushed it.”

“We must be stuck then because we ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“Stuck! What do you mean stuck?”

“I mean the elevator must be stuck.”


“Relax Starsky. Elevators break down all the time.”

“Not when I’m in them.”

“Well, don’t panic. Nothings going to happen. We’ll just sit here until they fix it.”


“Starsky… Starsky. Take it easy. What’s the matter with you?”

“I don’t know if I told you this Hutch… but I’m claustrophobic.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am now… HELP!!”

“Could we try not be so melodramatic. There’s nothing we can do about it so just calm down.”


“Yes. Calm down. When was the last time you ever heard of anyone being killed in an elevator accident? “

“Lots of times.”

“Never… you watch too much TV. Fact is, more people are injured on escalators than elevators.”

“Hutch. You can’t get stuck on an escalator.”

“That’s true. But they can eat you up. Far more dangerous then elevators.”

“Well… we may not plunge to our deaths… but we could starve. We could dehydrate and die a slow, painful, death.”

“Yeah. I guess we could.”

“How can you be so calm about this?”

“Starsky. I’m not a child. I can deal with these day-to-day difficulties that come my way. Just roll with the punches. Why stress over nothing.”

“NOTHING! We are stuck in an elevator. We could be here for days.”

“So call it a vacation. Take advantage of it.”

“You mean you are just going to sit here and wait until somebody realizes we’re up here?”


“You’re not going to do anything.”

“Well, I’m not going to do nothing.”

“Finally! What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to take a nap.”


“I’ll tell you partner… it sure would be a lot easier if you’d pipe down.”

“Pipe down? Pipe down?”


“I don’t believe this.”

“Why don’t you just settle down and take a load off?”

“Because I’m going to go through that trap door on the ceiling and go for help.”

“If you want to play Lassie, you go right ahead.”

“Gimme a boost.”

“Oh geez. Remind me to never get on an elevator with you again. You can take the stairs from now on.”

“Yeah, yeah… whatever. Now lift.”

“See anything, Starsk?”

“I can see we’re between floors.”

“No kidding… rocket scientist he isn’t.”

“It’s dark up here. Those cables are too slippery to climb… okay let me down.”

“There you see. There’s nothing you can do. So just sit and be patient.”

“This is a freight elevator, you know.”


“So. It doesn’t get used that often.”


“So. We could be here a very, very long time.”

“Starsky. You really have to learn to control your imagination.”

“Oh really.”

“Yes really.”

“Oh and I suppose when you start to get hungry and thirsty you’re not going to 'stress'… as you put it?”

“This body is prepared for these unforeseen situations.”

“And, my body isn’t?”

“Well, quite frankly… no.”

“Know what Hutch?”


“Sometimes I can’t figure out why you’re my best friend.”

“It’s my winning personality and charming disposition. I thought you knew that, Starsk.”

“You can be very difficult sometimes.”

“ME! I can be difficult?”


“You’re the one who’s acting like a scared puppy… not me. I’m not being difficult at all.”

“Scared puppy?”

“Yeah… scared a puppy.”

“One of these days Hutch, you’re going to be in a situation when you’re the one who’s scared and I just might not be there to be difficult.”

“Oh yeah?”


<snarf, huff, fidget>…. Pause

“Well … I was scared that time in Las Vegas when we were up in the rafters. I wasn’t too crazy about that.”

“Me either.”

“Look… Starsky… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Hey, I think we’re moving.”

“Oooooh… thank you God!”

“There you go - on the ground safe and sound. Aren’t you going to kiss it.”

“I’ll give you something to kiss.”

“Hey… hey… let’s not get nasty. Wanna get something to eat?”

“I thought you said your body was prepared for these unforeseen situations.”

“I lied.”




Da Little

That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Glorious Food


What's In
A Name

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