Da Little

That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Glorious Food


What's In
A Name

Where's the Beef
(A Bit of Banter)

By Barb McDonald

“Ya know Starsk… I’ve been thinkin’.”

“Oh no.”

“What do you mean “oh no”?”

“I mean whenever you’re thinking about something, I’m the one that has to deal with it.”

“It has nothing to do with you.” Hutch scoffed as he drove through Bay City.

“If it has anything to do with you than it has everything to do with me.”

“Oh really? How so?”

“Because we spend all day together, sometimes evenings and weekends.” Starsky outlined. “So, whatever IT is will make my life miserable.”

“Miserable?” Hutch replied with a scowled face. “I make your life miserable?”

“No. I wouldn’t spend all this time with you if you made my life miserable.”

“Well, then why did you say it?”

“Because you come up with these hair-brained ideas and I have to pay the price.”

“Like what?”

“Like that hat, for one.”

“What’s wrong with my hat?” Hutch replied slightly hurt. He looked up at the brim with his eyes only.

“Nothing, nothing. You’ve just been wearing a lot of hats lately.” Starsky muttered.

“I like hats.” Hutch defended.

“I can see that. You and Huggy should go into business.”

“So, don’t you want to hear about what I’ve been pondering?” Hutch asked with minor distain.

“Yeah, sure. Why not. Can’t wait to hear it. Go ahead.”

“Okay. I’m thinking about becoming a vegan.” Hutch stated bluntly.

“What… the…. Hell… is… that?”

“You know. No meat.”

“No meat? What do you mean?”

“Just eat grains and fruits and vegetables. You know… no meat.”

“Are you out of your mind!”

“No. Why?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Well, you can’t stop me.”

“I can sure try.” Starsky said with vigor. “Why on earth would you do something like that?”

“You make it sound like I’ve jumped off a roof with homemade wings. I’m not crazy. A lot of people don’t eat meat.”

“How could you do this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you. I’m doing it for me!”

“But, what about steaks and hamburgers and pork chops and bacon and…”

“Starsky. None of that is good for you.”

“I don’t care if it’s good for me. It’s delicious! What about that pot roast you made for me? Are you saying you’re not going to make me pot roast anymore?”

“Sure. I will make it for you.” Hutch replied sincerely. “I’ll just eat the vegetables.”

“It’s not pot vegetables. It’s pot roast. And, what about your famous scrambled eggs for dinner. Does this mean no more breakfast for dinner?”

“Yes it does. Eggs and milk are just liquid meat – molecularily speaking.”

“No milk either? Now I know you’ve lost it.”

“Starsky.” Hutch said pointedly. “Humans are the only animal species on earth that drinks milk after it’s been weened.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that I just want to be healthy.”

“You are healthy. Look at you. You look like a Viking statue!”

“Healthier.” Hutch reiterated.

“I can’t work like this.” Starsky announced.

“Oh, will you stop being so dramatic. Nothing will change.”

“What is Huggy supposed to do? We eat most of our meals at Huggy’s. He doesn’t have salad. You can’t go into The Pits and order salad.”

“He can just make me a sandwich.” Hutch proposed.

“A lettuce sandwich?”

“He could put some tomatoes on there. Maybe some cucumber and bean sprouts.”

Starsky stared at his partner in disbelief.

“Bean sprouts? That is ridiculous.”

“Or, I could bring my own food.” Hutch continued. “You know, pack a lunch.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you’ve got time to do this job, do groceries, prepare your weird little recipes and remember to bring it with you? We work day and night. Night and day. You are dilusional.”

“Well, I’m sure there’s other options on the street I could eat.”

“Hutch, we don’t have time to track down beans and rice and broccoli and carrots when we are hunting down criminals. Come on. Get real. You are NOT becoming a…, what did you call it?”

“A vegan.”

“You are NOT becoming a vegan!”

Hutch sighed with resignation. He continued down the road, his car rattled and squeaked along the way. It seemed the conversation was over. 

“Well, I’m hungry. Wanna get something to eat?” Starsky asked hopefully.


“Great. What do you want?”

“How about some barbequed dead animal?”

“That’s my boy.” Starsky smiled broadly. “Have I told you yet today how much I treasure our friendship?”

“Not yet.”






Da Little

That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Glorious Food


What's In
A Name

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