Da Little
Tings

Ouch!
That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Food!
Glorious Food

Clothes
Horses

What's In
A Name

Brilliant
Banter

Starsky and Hutch simply defined the strongest human bond - the straight, male friendship. It was enviable and unconditional. They set the bar for such relationships depicted on the small screen from then on. Audiences had never witnessed such closeness and it was truly the reason behind the show's success. Where Newman and Redford left off in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", Starsky and Hutch picked up the baton and ran with it. There were many copy cat partnerships after the series ended. Most notably the movies "Lethal Weapon" and "Tango and Cash" capitalized on the S&H loving buddy friendship.

That being said, there was no better proof of this perfect partnership than in the boy's day-to-day repartee. They certainly had banter down to a fine art. So, here are some of their best exchanges, with a bit of Dobey and Huggy Bear thrown it for flavor.

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S: "I'M Starsky. He's Hutch."
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H: "Hello plants."
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S: "Who drives?"
H: "It's your watch."
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Dobey: "Daily reports need to be handed in daily! If you hand in reports every 7 days, they'd be weekly reports!"
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Huggy: "Hutch, you know I don't allow no rapists and such in my place."
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S: "My mother never said I was Rudolph Valentino. She said I was more the Paul Muni type."

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H: "Watch it Starsk. This thing doesn't have any breaks."
S: "It's in gear dumbie."
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S: "Hey! Remember those jewellery robberies a few years ago?"
H: "No... oooh, the one where we staked out the four..."
S: "No. Three people."
H: "At three locations."
S: "No. It was four locations."
H: "No, no, it was four different people at three locations."
S: "Three different people at four locations."
H: "All at the same time."
S: "Dats what I said."

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H: "I'm still thinking about that Cathy - beautiful girl... cries allot."
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S: "Well, here we are again facing danger together in the pursuit of law and order. To the average passerby, we may seem like three ordinary people... on the way up to the maternity ward, to see if it's a boy or girl or something in between. Little do they know that we are three highly, dedicated servants of the public."
H: "Starsky?"
S: "Huh?"
H:"Shut up."
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S: "We can check that out with Albert."
H: "Who?"
S: "Albert."
H: "No, no... Arnold."
S: "Oh."

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Huggy: "Your car club ain't comin', huh?"
H: "How can they? The computer says I don't exist!"
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S: "If this was a cowboy movie, I'd give you my boots."
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H: "What's that over there?"
S: "It's a building."
H: "The number"
S: "2848."
H: "Alright. What's that over there?"
S: "That's another building."
H: "THE NUMBER!"
S: "2852."
H: "ALRIGHT, WHAT'S THIS!"
S: "This is a vacant lot dumbie. We've been suckered!"
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H: "Never pick on a man's partner."
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S: "You two going fishing is like the NAACP and the Ku Klux Klan having a togetherness rally."
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S: "Hutch is cute. I'm careful."

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H: "Here comes McCoy... now."

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S: "Have you ever wondered Hutch, what would have happened if you were born handsome and charming and I had been born a dullard?"
H: "Starsk, there are some things in this world you just don't have to wonder about."
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S: "FREEZE!!.... What do I do now!?"
H: "Well, you're the one she isn't listening to."
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S: "Maybe it's a friendly bee. Probably just making an inquiry."
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H: "Don't yell at me when I'm on the phone!"
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H: "Starsky. We're picking up speed!"
S: "I can see that."
H: "Well, do something to slow it down!"
S: "What do you want me to do? Throw out an anchor and drag my feet?!"
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S: "Do you like your chin? Wanna keep it?"
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S: "Find my pants."
H: "Well, I... ahh, I got your watch."
S: "You forgot my pants? You mean you want me to hit the streets with no pants, no badge, no gun... no dignity? What's the matter with you? Do you believe him?"
H: "You know Starsk, you're right. I should have left you lying on the floor while I picked out which of your equally crumby blues jeans I should pack... they're all looking attcha."

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H: "Hey you?"
S: "Who you?."
H: "No, no. You're you. I'm me."

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H: " 'If'. It's a big word."

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S: "I happen to be a virgin in these woods."

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H: "Want me to drive?"
S: "What, and get us both killed?."

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S: "I think this is going to be our first bicentennial bribery offer."

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S: "Do you have any idea how beautiful your eyes get when you are angry?."

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H: "You know, I've been in love with ships and the sea since I was old enough to read. I was a Sea Scout when I was a kid."
S: "Hutch. You were born in Duluth, Minnesota. That's 1000 miles from any ocean."
H: "It's 1,500 miles."
S: "Then how did you become a Sea Scout?"
H: "It wasn't easy."

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S: "Is this one a dawn or a sunset?"
H: "This one's a dawn."

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H: "RISE AND SHINE LOCKINFIRE!"

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S: "I thought you were dead."
H: "Bullet proof vest. Remember?"
S: "I forgot."

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H: "Have you ever considered detective work as a career?"

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S: "Do you trust me or not?"
H: "With my life yes... with your choice of women – no."

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S: "Someone's gettin' married."
H: "Well, it ain't us!"

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H: "In a 5 day week there are about 80 waking hours, right? We work, eat and drink about twelve of those hours. That's 60 hours a week. That's 75% of the time we spend together and you're not even a good kisser."
S: "How do you know that?"

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H: "Relax your face."

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Huggy: "A Starsky without a Hutch is like a pig without the pork."

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S: "Man! Look at her jump!"
H: "It's a grand jeté, turkey."

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S: "Hey. You know what this place reminds me of?"
H: "Yeah, the restaurant your grandmother used to live over when you were a kid."
S: "How'd you know that?"
H: "Because, every time we go into an Italian restaurant, it reminds you of the restaurant your grandmother used to live over when you were a kid."
S: "Oh yeah."

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S: "Hey man. What's going on? I thought you wanted this assignment?"
H: "So did I."
S: "Well, she's more beautiful than her poster."
H:"Do you know, that's exactly what I was talking about. There is more to life, to people than just a beautiful outside."
S: "Would you rather she was ugly?"
H: "Starsky. This was going to be the most important assignment of my life and I don't like being talk down to. And, I don't want to do any flag-waving, but every time she says 'Amer-di-ka', it sounds like something that makes her nuclease. Do you understand what I'm talking about? Do you understand?
S: "Yes. Let it pass. Let it pass."

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S: "There's a lot of 'what if' questions you can ask yourself, Hutch. (PAUSE). Come on. We don't want to be late for work."
H: "What if we were?"

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H: "I like Blue Grass better than music!"

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S: "Still seeing what's-her-name?"
H: "Sure. Still seeing what's-her-name. Took her to the whatcha-ma-call-it and gave her my thing-a-ma-jig."
S: "I didn't know it was that serious."
H: "It's not."

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S: "SHUT UP AND SCULPT!"

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S: "How do I look?"
H: "You look terrible."

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Cop: "How did you leave Chicago?"
H: "Oh, pretty much as we found it."

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H: "What's wrong with the air conditioning?"
S: "There's nothing wrong with the air conditioning. It just ain't work'in... hey, what are you doing?"
H: "How about a little instant pneumonia"

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H: "What makes us so damned smart?"

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H: "Hey (Huggy), where'd you get that ugly hat?"

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S: "Sometimes we act instinctively."
H: "Sometimes impetuously."

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H: "Okay, I've got hamburgers here with bacon strips and blue cheese dressing."
S: "Thousand Island?"
H: "Of course Thousand Island. What do you think I am a barbarian? Well, that's what I got for myself. For you I got something more in the realm of the hoola hoop and the cuddly rock."
S: "Wha-is-dis?"
H: "It's a tuna burger. With lots of mushrooms."

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S: "My partner Hutch, is closer to me than my brother."

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H: "Shimmery has always been one of my favorite colors."

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S: "In one week from now I'll have a Cartier on my wrist, a Maserati under my butt and leisure on my mind."

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S: "Is that anyway to treat a convalescent?."

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H: "Why don't you have a little coffee with your sugar."
S: "Gotta get something for a buck. Two bits for a cup of coffee. We're amongst the unemployed!" NOTE: Actually "two bits" is only 25¢.

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H: "Did you ever notice when you're unemployed you eat more."

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S: "I hate soy bean steaks and wheatgerm pies."

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H: "American on wheels. What a joke."

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Huggy: "There's a HUGE nurse on my tail!"

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H: "Starsky. It's red."
S: "It's not red. It's candy apple red!"

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S: "You know, I hate to be crass. But, I haven't eaten since this whole thing began. Are you hungry R.C.? He's hungry."

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S: "Relax. It's just a scratch."
H: "It's not JUST a scratch. There's five stitches in there... it hurts."

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S: "Captain. We're not sure if what we saw was, in fact, what we saw. But if.."
H: "Captian."
S: "...if..."
H: "Captain."
S: "...if...."
H: "Wait a second. Captain, what Starsky is trying to say is that we did see what we saw, we just don't know what it means."
S: "Yeah. We saw..."
H: "I know... I saw..."
Dobey: "Hold it! You both can't talk at once. Hutchinson, you go."
H: "There. You see."

 

 

 

 

Cudos goes to the talented writers of "Starsky and Hutch: Aaron Spelling, William Blinn, Fred Freiberger, Michael Mann, Edward J. Lakso, Robert I. Holt, Robert C. Dennis, Michael Fisher, David P. Harmon, Donald R. Boyle, Arthur Rowe, Steve Fisher, Ron Friedman, Amanda J. Green, Mark Victor, Robert Earll, Don Patterson, Arthur Norman, Benjamin Masselink, Joe Reb Moffly, Tim Maschler, Parke Perine, Jeff Kanter, Anthony Yerkovich, Tom Bagen, James Schmerer, Madeline DiMaggio Wagner, William Douglas Lansford, Al Friedman, Robert Swanson, Rick Edelstein,Robert Swanson, Bob Barbash, Richard Bluel, Richard Kelbaugh, Robert Dellinger, Ralph Wallace Davenport and of course, David Soul and Paul Michael Glaser.

 

Da Little
Tings

Ouch!
That Hurts!

Friends, Enemies,
Lovers & Informants

Food!
Glorious Food

Clothes
Horses

What's In
A Name

Brilliant
Banter

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